Black History Month: The Facts

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2002: Halle Berry and Denzel Washington win Academy Awards for the least flattering roles available to African-Americans that year.

1996: FUBU Clothing emerges, meaning “For Us, By Us” with outsourced Asian labor sometimes substituting for the latter.

1994: Kevin Scott champions physical fitness among youth by hurdling fences in the famous “Long Way Home” TV Ad.

1993: William Jefferson Clinton is sworn in as the first African-American president of the United States of America.

1992: Wesley Snipes wins a pickup basketball game in Watts despite his random partner system resulting in Woody Harrelson.

1991: ‘Marky’ Mark Wahlberg courageously breaks the color barrier to become the single greatest rapper of all time.

1987: A United Negro College Fund bus program proved so popular several candidates are left on the side of the road without explanation.

1986: Martin Luther King Jr,’s birthday becomes a national holiday except in Arizona, despite mounting pressure from hip-hop group Public Enemy.

1984: Cyberdyne engineer Miles Dyson considers it a good idea to save a Terminator’s arm, damning all of humanity.

1983: Julius Irving is given an honorary doctorate, legally allowing him to open a short-lived medical practice in Philadelphia.

1982: Michael Jackson’s Thriller is released, going on to become the best-selling album of all time, cementing the occult as a pop music mainstay.

1980: Isaac Hayes is stripped of ‘Black Moses’ status after a thorough investigation by Jewish and Christian officials.

1979: The Sugarhill Gang’s Rapper’s Delight stuns the nation with its open ridicule of Superman and tales of indigestion.

 

1977Roots becomes the highest-rated mini-series of all time, openly challenged by Stephen King’s The Langoliers in 1995 but was unsuccessful.

1974: Hank Aaron dethrones Babe Ruth for the Home Run record, hinting that, in baseball, athleticism might be even less of a factor than race.

1972: Muhammad Ali beats an autograph out of Sugar Ray Robinson, who denied him one as a child.

1969: The Black Panthers’ “Free Breakfast for Children” program is widely misinterpreted as a trading system.

1968: James Brown quells post-MLK riots in Boston by distracting crowds with 28 continuous encore performances.

1962: Malcolm X makes a splash in the fashion world with a series of eponymous baseball caps.

1954: The Supreme Court rules in Brown v. The Board of Education, looking to knock the Board down a peg after that McCollum stunt.

1945: Ebony Magazine is founded, drawing ire from former black-leading publication McCall’s.

1934: Langston Hughes’ book The Ways of White Folks contains the first literary reference to the whole “wet dog” thing.

1912: Sam Lucas becomes the first black actor in a feature-length Hollywood movie that absolutely required a black actor.

1874: Frederick Douglass punches a horse right in the mouth over a financial dispute.

????: Cloud City proprietor Lando Calrissian joins the Rebel Alliance through sheer goodwill and definitely not a guilty conscience.

 

 

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